I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
