I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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