I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
