guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
false alarm, still single
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
