I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
