Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
