Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
