the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
