So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
