went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize