I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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