Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
