And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
