Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
