We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
