no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
