The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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