New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
