Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
