New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize