someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a hot homeless man
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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