Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
