I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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