What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
