Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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