It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
