PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize