Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh god it's open bar.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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