a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
