Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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