i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
