I wish I only lived at night.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
