Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
