they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
