I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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