Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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