i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
