I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
