so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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