So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
