I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
