is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
