i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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