Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
