My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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