Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize