I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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