I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
