Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize