So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he puts the penis in happiness.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
