I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
