Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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