so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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