Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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