I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
