Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
