So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize