in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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