I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
