I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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