If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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