nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
