Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
