We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
