Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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