You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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