I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
These tits shall not be calmed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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