Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
