My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
