I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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