did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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